Your little monster

Most of the students I work with are wonderful kids. They’re polite, thoughtful, and motivated. If they ever misbehave, it’s usually something very minor, like talking during class. These are kids whose parents actively try to be good role-models. They establish boundaries, model good behavior, and stay involved in their child’s life. They understand that parenting isn’t an easy job, but they do their very best.

This post is not for good parents! So, if you’re a responsible parent, please leave now. There is nothing here for you. You may be disturbed by what you read, in fact.

Irresponsible parents with little monsters, read on…

To those religious parents who relinquish everything into God’s hands: your kid is not an angel. Taking your child to church doesn’t guarantee anything. You can’t just put it all in “God’s hands.” That’s called failure to take responsibility. I’m not dumping on religion. If you’re right with Jesus, good for you. I’m just saying that it doesn’t guarantee your child isn’t a little demon. That responsibility is in your hands, not God’s.

To those dippy parents who are easily fooled: your kid is fooling you. Give them an inch and they’ll take a mile. The same kid who told you last night that he wants to work with the poor or help injured animals is the same kid who just sang a vulgar version of a Disney song in my classroom and is now failing to take responsibility for his behavior. Your kid is more likely to be torturing animals than helping them. I’ve seen more than a few future serial-killers in my two decades of working with kids, and I think your kid is the stepping up to the plate to take the next swing.

To those lousy parents who didn’t want to be parents: guess what? You are a parent. Deal with it. It’s called birth control. Get some. Get neutered or spayed if there is any chance that you’ll bring another unwanted child into the world. Kids need parents. Without parents, they have no chance. If you aren’t being a parent to your child, then your priorities are all goofed up, and chances are good that your kid is all goofed up, too. And why is it that the worst parents are the ones who have the biggest litters? Take them tubes and tie ’em!

To the enabling parents: you should be in charge. You are not your child’s friend. You are your child’s parent. Your child is human, and your child will make mistakes. The last thing you should be doing is covering for your kid or making excuses for her when she vandalizes the girls’ bathroom. Take away her cell phone, at least! Show some backbone. After the parent-teacher conference, don’t take her out to dinner and tell her that nasty teacher is just out to get her. Don’t tell her you’re going to get that nasty teacher fired. And whatever you do, don’t tell her she did nothing wrong. Your daughter just took a Magic Marker and decorated the lavatory with bad diagrams of sex organs. That’s not normal. Get with the program! Wake up and smell the proverbial coffee. If you don’t, your daughter will be pregnant at 15, and it will be everyone else’s tax dollars that support her when she moves out to live with her 22-year old boyfriend who sells cell phones at the mall.

To the parents who don’t value education: that’s why you didn’t do well when you were in school. That’s why you don’t have a satisfying career. That’s why you resent people who use polysyllabic words. That’s why you can’t balance your checkbook. And that’s why your child is struggling in math. If the teacher sends home long-division problems, and you can’t help your kid solve them, your kid is the one who pays the price. Most importantly, if your kid knows you don’t value education, then why should they? They won’t. Then they’ll breed and have kids who don’t value education, and the cycle will continue.

To reiterate: most kids are good kids. Trouble is – the bad kids are the ones who take my attention away from the good ones. That’s not right. Be a good parent, and you’ll raise a good kid. It’s that simple.




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